And jokes
Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.
A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.
Roses are red, violets are blue, poetry is gay, and so are you.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
What's the difference between orphans and apples? Apples get picked.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
What do you call an Asian chick with dick in her ass, pushy and mouth?
Filipino.
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
Why didn't R. Kelly go to Germany to fuck teens? The legal age there is 14...Like bro hop on a plane and fuck a 14 year old hooker!
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
What has two wheels and goes really fast?
A vegetable down a hill.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
What do Rubik's cubes and melons have in common?
They have a history of separating colors.