And jokes
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.
What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?
They both are plastic and like kids.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You only need 1 nail to hang a painting!
What’s black and at the top of a stair case?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Your family is so poor, when you knocked on the door for money, I offered you a penny, and when you knocked again, the rock answered and knocked you out.
Hitler only wanted peace.
A piece of Poland, a piece of Czechoslovakia, and a piece of Turkey.
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.