And jokes

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

The little camel asks his mother: "Mum, why do we have these big humps?"

"Because in these humps there is some water, and in the hot desert we can drink."

"And Mum, why do we have this large fur?"

"Because the desert at night is so cold, and then we don’t feel cold."

"And Mum, why do we got these big hoofs?"

"Because the desert sand is hot, and the hoofs save us from the hot sand."

"But Mum, what the fuck are we doing here in the national zoo?"

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

Hey kids, guess who started a micronation?

It’s Barney and Trump. They don’t let gays in, but they kill them.

Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.

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    • Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?

    Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.

    Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?

    How are an orphan and baseball different from each other?

    A baseball game has a home run.

    When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

    Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.