And jokes

Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?

Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".

What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.

What’s the difference between apples and orphans?

One of them has a family tree.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

Do you like In-N-Out?

Yes, why? In and out of your mouth.

What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?

Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.

It was really heavy on me.

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.

(First Person): Knock knock, who's there? (2nd Person): Lemme talk to you, when we finna slide, what we finna do, knock knock, who's there, time to make a move, slayin' all then demons and we gotta move in too.

(Second Person): Knock knock, (1st p): who's there, let me talk to you, be careful where you steppin' out cause you ain't bullet proof, knock knock, who's there? time to make a move, block is full of shooters, and they didn't come to hoop.

Every like this gets, I will kill a telemarketer.

Every dislike, I will kill a cute puppy.

Every comment, I will kill your ex bf or gf and send you a PS5.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

You have two parts of [your] brain, "left" and "right". In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

Yo mama so ugly, she went to a fat concert and they said no experts allowed! 😂

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

Last week I went on a whale watch.

After everyone had piled onto a boat, they loaded the boat onto a trailer and drove to your house.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.