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Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?

Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Mom: Excuse me?

Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?

One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."

Why does Johnny Sins cover his pants, but it doesn't work?

Because the long, hard thing can't chirp down.

Tell it to your parents and friends!

What's brown and white with red all over?

Terrorists when they went into the Twin Towers.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?

The Twin Towers got fucked.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.

Troll your friend by saying "I" and saying "cup," and then tell them that that means "I see you pee."

LOL

There is also "lettuce cup," which means "let us see you pee."

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."