And jokes
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.
What’s the difference between an ant and an orphan?
The ant knows where home is.
What does an orphan and Spider-Man have in common?
They have no "why home" 👹
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel has family.
Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:
"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"
Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"
Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."
Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero, and the other is a simple command.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.