And jokes
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?
A knife at least has a point.
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.
One thing that Miles Morales and Black men have in common is that they're both rip-offs.
What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?
His head and shoulders.
What is Juan the junkmail dispenser's nickname? Spic and spam.
I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
Why were the Twin Towers disappointed?
They asked for a pepperoni pizza and all they got was a plane.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.
Yo mama so fat that she walked in front of the TV, and I missed a whole episode of iCarly.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.