And jokes
What's the similarity between your money and your life?
It just keeps going down.
An Asian gets a choice between his rice cooker or his son. He instantly picks the cooker and says, "He got a B+ in maths last week; he's a failure!"
I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"
The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?
They both like oil.
What's the difference between you and a Barbie? There is no difference. Both of your faces are fake.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
Why did the plane go to KFC?
To lose its wings and crash!
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.
One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
I told a kid his dad is a magician because he disappeared and never came back home.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
What's common between the penis and a Rubik's cube?
Both get hard when we play with them.
What is the difference between a feminist and a knife?
A knife at least has a point.
What's common between a feminist and a knife?
They both stay in the kitchen.