And jokes

Add joke

My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.

As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.

I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off. I didn't know back to school sales were already starting.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?

They hang from trees.

What do Christians and gays have in common?

They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.

What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?

Only one came out of the chamber.