And jokes

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

What’s the difference between Rosa Parks and Muhammad Ali?

One fought for freedom, the other fought for fun.

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.

Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

I was once playing the bottle flip challenge on the school table with my friend, and when it was his turn, the bottle fell to his eggplant! 😱😂

Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”

Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

We got Spider-Man Homecoming, Spider-Man Far from Home, then Spider-Man No Way Home, considering society’s current state and how shitty 2023 is, the next movie is probably gonna be Spider-Man Homosexual.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let’s make this interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.