And jokes
A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.
When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"
For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?
Reality.
What word starts with “F” and ends in “uck”?
Firetruck.
Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”
The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.
Q: What's green and yellow and eats balls?
A: Gonorrhea.
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at three hoes.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
Old members come back, we’re bullying the pussies and idiots off the site.
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.