And jokes

Add joke

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?

There, there, over there, and over here too.

Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?

What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?

The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C!