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How do you start a dance party?

Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.

  • 2

    • Roses are red, chocolate is brown,

    I expect nothing and still get let down!

    What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?

    Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"

    These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

    What's red and sits in the corner?

    A baby chewing on a razor blade.

    What's green and sits in the corner?

    Same baby, one week later.

  • 3

    • Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?

    The grim reaper.

    I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

    An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

    *A few minutes later*

    son: There.

    mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

    son: Dad showed me before he died.

    mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

  • 3

    • A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

    What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

    One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

    What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?

    The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.

    (Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)

    My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

    I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

  • 3

    • Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

    They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

  • 0

    • So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

    One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

    Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

    Guy: Robin

    Bank owner: Your last name?

    Guy: Debank

    Bank owner: Robin Debank?

    Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

    Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

    Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?

    'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.