And jokes

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You, I didn’t see you there. The pizza place is hunted bad, so you are scared 😱😱😱😱 and so you run and you see your grandma, and you were happy again forever and ever ha ha so funny 😁. The end or is it bye-bye?

One day you were at the store and you see you in a cart, and so you get out, and it was a mirror. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Lol

God creates a mosquito :)

God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.

Angel: okay... a bug.

God: now give it’s face a sword, but it has a hole so it’s basically a mouth.

Angel: weird... but okay...

God: and give it wings.

Angel: eh, not half bad Go-

God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS

Angel: *shook* o-okay

God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.

Angel: .-.

God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give ‘em a taste ‘o that! *evil grin*

Angel: *cries*

Angel: *whispers; I’m so sorry..*

  • 2

    • God creates a wasp :)

    God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.

    Angel: okay... a bug.

    God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.

    Angel: weird.. but okay...

    God: and give it wings.

    Angel: eh, not half bad Go-

    God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS

    Angel: *shook* o-okay

    God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.

    Angel: . - .

    God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*

    Angel: *cries*

    Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*

    What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?

    If you break a leg, you get cast.

    What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

    When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

    I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.

  • 5

    • During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said, "Berry Christmas!"

    I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

    About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

    I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

    Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

    Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

    Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

    Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

    What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.

    A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

    boss: "We have to let you go."

    surgeon: "I protest innocence."

    boss: "How?"

    surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

    boss: "Get out!"

  • 1

    • Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

    So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

    He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

  • 0

    • Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

    So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

    He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.