Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
Worst Jokes Ever
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
I just thought of the best invention ever: a vape dildo.
Where does an orphan come from?
Daddy getting milk.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!
Why can't two Chinese people have a white kid?
Two wongs don't make a white.
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone.
ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
