Worst Jokes Ever
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
What does a slave owner use to buy slaves? A Master Card.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?
It’s called "Maybe Dick."
No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.
Explain Bear is always there for you.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.
Weird, he usually uses a sock.