Worst Jokes Ever
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
Oliver Savage and Dr. Mummy.
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
If Canadians speak "English Eh?", do Americans speak "English B?"