Worst Jokes Ever
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What's black and white and red all over?
A massacre at a funeral.
RIP Stephen Hawking who was buried today... he did always love black holes.
I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never grow old.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Women's rights.
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...
All I got was "error 404 page not found."
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
So, Duracell batteries do run out.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.