Worst Jokes Ever
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
How do you tell when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
What's up, bitches? Miss me?
What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?
A green bean.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.
Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"