Worst Jokes Ever
Why can’t the USA play chess?
Because they lost their two towers.
What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?
Seize your moment.
Your hairline parts faster than Moses parting the Red Sea.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
What is a Mexican's least favorite type of water?
I.C.E. water.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.
When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.
What was Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
Why did the Titanic cross the road?
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Why can’t orphans go to jail? Because they aren’t wanted.
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
Explain Bear, girl, you're tripping.
What did Kobe say to the helicopter?
"Don't crash!"
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.
The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."
The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."
The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."
The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.