Worst Jokes Ever

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

What do Japanese men do when they vote?

They have an erection.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.

He wants to make America grate again.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."