Worst Jokes Ever
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.