Worst Jokes Ever

Kid: Are you gay?

Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

What do you call a white man surrounded by black men? Coach.

I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Where do people with no legs go to have fun?

Legnoland.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.

Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?

In an explosion.

What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?

“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”

What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?

A paintball.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

A Down syndrome kid asks for an ice cream. The man asks, "Do you want sauce on it?"

The kid says, "It doesn’t matter, I’m going to drop it anyway!" 😂😂😂