Worst Jokes Ever

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

A Mexican was doing a magic trick. He said, "uno, dos," then disappeared without a trace.

What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?

New York Jets.

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.

Except my depression.

The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.

When was the first Black Friday?

1619.

Bippity Boppity Bill Cosby!

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

What's a school shooter's favorite anime?

Assassination Classroom.

I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite band?

Coldplay.

An Irish-man walks out of a bar.

Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.

Your mom has a bone to pick with me.

Nevermind, it's retarded.