Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
Worst Jokes Ever
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
"Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it's tearable."
"Where do young trees go to learn?"
"Elementree school."
"Why is Peter Pan always flying?"
"He never lands."
"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas!"
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?
What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
