Worst Jokes Ever
A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.
The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"
"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"
The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.
The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."
Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Six, seven.
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
Your hairline looks like something that came off the bottom of a Reese's cup.
You must be the square root of -1, because you can't be real.
Ahmed is a bomber for the Twin Towers.
Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.
Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬
Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.
They're teaching my 1st grader pronouns! Today it was he/she/they. Tomorrow, you/are/is!
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
My respect for you didn't just go through the roof, it touched the fucking sun!
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.
Yo mama so poor, the homeless donate to her.
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.
What did the dark man say when he found out he had an erectile dysfunction?
"I can't breed! I can't breed! I can't breed!"
R.I.P. Floyd.
Why was 10 scared? Because it was scared of 9/11. And why did I have to take a fall? I have nothing to do with the big II.
Why can’t the USA play chess?
Because they lost their two towers.
What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?
Seize your moment.
Your hairline parts faster than Moses parting the Red Sea.