Worst Jokes Ever
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.