What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Worst Jokes Ever
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?
Only one came out of the chamber.
Balls deep.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
What would the world be like without women?
A pain in the ass.
What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?
They hang from trees.
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
