Worst Jokes Ever

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

All Asians look the same.

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?

Ask Boeing.

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.

Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."

How do clarinet players play a song?

They reed their music.

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

Guy: Robin

Bank owner: Your last name?

Guy: Debank

Bank owner: Robin Debank?

Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.

My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha

One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

Who's the best at musical chairs?

Stephen Hawking.

Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.

He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

Q: What do you call white people on a black bus?

A: Oreo

Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.