Worst Jokes Ever
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?
My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.
Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
Porn.
Where is the cheapest gun range? Your local public school.
A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!
(Standing means: penis erection)
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
Brojobs are like air. It's not important until you don't have any.
There's something on your chin. No, not that one, the third row.
What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.