Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”