Worst Jokes Ever
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.