Worst Jokes Ever

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.

One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."

The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.

Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.