Worst Jokes Ever

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

What is the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.

If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.