Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Food

    • Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

    Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

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    • Balloon

    • "Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

    (Later)

    "Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

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    • Bill Cosby

    • The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.

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    • Baby

    • What's worse than a dead baby?

    A pile of dead babies.

    What's worse than that?

    One's alive at the bottom.

    What's even worse than THAT?

    It eats it's way out.

    Wait it gets worse...

    It goes back for seconds.

    Just one more I swear...

    It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.

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    • Penis

    • True Story

    A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

    The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

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    • Shampoo

    • I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

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    • Stroke

    • My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

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    • School shooting

    • So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”

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