My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
Worst Jokes Ever
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
What do you call a sophisticated American?
A Canadian.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
The Harry Potter fanbase.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
