If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
Worst Jokes Ever
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
I have a penis.
How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.
500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.
Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?
Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”
The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
The optimist thinks the glass is half full. The pessimist thinks the glass is half empty. The feminist thinks the glass is raping them.
Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
