Worst Jokes Ever
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.
7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!
Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?
"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."
What do you get when you mix a 737 and 767?
A 797.
What do you call a Chinese boy throwing poo?
Yung Flung Dung.
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
Hey, do you remember that dragon thing?
Draggin' these balls across your face.
What does 9 and 36 add up to?
A life in prison.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
Why don’t Chinese kids get to celebrate Christmas?
'Cause they're the ones making the toys.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.