How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
Worst Jokes Ever
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
What did Pluto say to Saturn while barbecuing steaks?
"Mine is meatier than yours."
If someone called you ugly, say before you call me ugly, look in a mirror.
What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
Which two football teams played in the pirate Superbowl?
The Seahawks and the Buccaneers.
Worried I am dead.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
Grocery stores are like IKEA: you have to assemble the food yourself.