Roses are red Violets are fine Why is your life So much better then mine
I was walking by the gun shop earlier and saw everything was 40% off, I didn't know back to school sales were already starting
If you scanned my thigh it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen
Your momma so old she has been a waitress at the last supper
Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies”, I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point..they sure as hell aren’t real now!
Whats the square root of 2001? 9/11
i identify as kilometers per second because i want to km/s
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?
How do you know that Americans hate exercise? 9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?!
How can one make Death Row a little more fun? Musical electric chairs.
Knock, knock. (Who’s there?) It’s the police ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver he’s dead.
Why are most absent dads mechanics
They like to nut and bolt
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
Cause dam you lookin kinda Au Ti S Ti C
COMMUNISM IS ACTUALLY KINDA TIGHT.
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world; it only had one dog in it. It was a Shitzu."
"My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas."
; Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he had 'no-body' to go with.
