Worst Jokes Ever
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What part of the vegetable is the hardest to eat? The wheelchair.
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
Used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask...
Yet here I am, stuck at home in this COVID-19 "Thriller," beating it...