Worst Jokes Ever
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."
Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!
When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
Roger.
(Roger who?)
Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!
Why are Mexican families so big?
They don’t know how to put a condom on.
What type of gun isn’t allowed in Africa?
A water gun.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
How do you piss off a color blind person?
Give them a Rubik's cube.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.
The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the first person to try Five Guys?
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.