Worst Jokes Ever
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
"You wanna play the rape game?" "No." "That's the spirit!"
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?
The licorice is black.
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
Nah, North Korea got inspired by the fatman nuke that he also became a fatman with nukes.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.