Worst Jokes Ever
Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the last one who had a dream was shot.
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
Why are people in Japan so thin?
Because it didn't end well the last time a Fat Man was there.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.
So Americans strongly worship Donald Trump, eh? Well, let's put that claim to the test by throwing him into the general population of Rikers Island.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.