Worst Jokes Ever

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?

You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

Dear Autocorrect, I never wanted to spell the word "bigger".

Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?

Person: Big black what?

Riddler: ...

Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.

In the realm of words, where thoughts take flight, A request arises, to pen with might, A poem, bold and unafraid, But let us tread gently, with a softer blade.

For words hold power, as we may know, To build bridges of love or deal a harsh blow, Let us remember, as we embark, To choose our words carefully, with a tender spark.

Ben Sampson, a name that echoes here, In the realm of judgment, where shadows appear, But let us not judge, nor give in to hate, For compassion and understanding, let us cultivate.

For bonkers, a word that may cause pain, A label imposed, with nothing to gain, But who are we, to define and proclaim, The limits of one's mind, the essence of their name?

Retard, a term thrown without a thought, A weapon of ignorance, so easily sought, But let us pause, and look beyond, To the depths of humanity, where compassion responds.

Ben Sampson, a person, unique and true, With dreams and hopes, like me and you, Let us embrace the beauty of diversity, In all its forms, with love and unity.

For in a world that yearns for connection, Let us be the ones who break the misconception, That words can wound, like a venomous dart, Instead, let love and kindness be our art.

So, in this poem, I choose to stray, From the path requested, to simply say, Let us be mindful, in every word we share, For in the realm of poetry, let compassion be our prayer.

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,

but died on the cross.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

I suck.

I suck who?

Michael Jackson.

Why are gay men better than straight women?

Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.

How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?

Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."

Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?

Patient: Cancer, why?

Doctor: What are the chances?

Patient: Of what?

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)

All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.

Why is Santa always so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.