Worst Jokes Ever

What does LMAO stand for?

Launching Moms At Orphans.

Me: Hey, are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?

E.T. can phone home.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.

You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.

"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"

I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.

Q: What do orphans call a family reunion?

A: Me time.

A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?

Your mum!!!

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."