John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff? Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!!
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? 2 planes
Q)what was the last pizza delivery to 9/11? A)2 large planes.
9/11 was just a really intense game of Jenga.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes but they all just crash and burn.
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
9/11
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow? -- You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
