Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.
why cant hitler join track? because he cant even finish a race
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
if a toy from toy story died, the kid wouldn't know and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse
What do you call a autism kid with a gun?
Special forces
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
What do you call a alligator that cant geg hard. A reptile disfunction
Steven Hawking said there is no God, Then God said there is no Steven Hawking
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.
Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
I don't like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions...
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard
I have 206 bones in my body but when I look at you I have 207
