Worst Jokes Ever

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

Why can't you kill a hooker?

Because they're dead inside anyway.

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?

Special head.

Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

What’s the best part about stage four cancer?

There’s no stage five.

Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

I think my family is racist.

I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.