Worst Jokes Ever

Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

"What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?"

"Sofishticated."

Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

Does that dick match that forehead? 👀

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.

Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?

A: Cha-ching!

I feel like the Twin Towers, I’m broken.

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!

You're so cool that celebrities take pictures of you.

What is red, pink, and goes round and round?

A baby in a blender.

What is green, brown, and goes round and round?

The same baby 3 weeks later.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.