Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty-three times.

My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.

I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.

Ok, not really racist but still funny.

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they drive slow through school zones.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.

I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.

DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.

There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.