Worst Jokes Ever

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

Donald Trump is, like, really orange.

Ass.

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

Yo' mama so stupid, she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.

Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.

What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The location of the Dirtbag.

Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

I ran out of bras, so I wore...

My grandma's underpants!

Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?

Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!

I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"

What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?

... A FLATLINE!

What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?

"Together we can stop this shit."

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

How do you punish Helen Keller?

You leave the plunger in the toilet.

What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.