Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

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    • A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."

  • 7

    • Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

    Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

    Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

  • 1

    • Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."

    Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."

    Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."

    You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

    You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

  • 5

    • You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

    A pedophile is playing poker with 8 seven-year-olds.

    The pedophile has a pair of 7's and three 4's in the river. He smiles and says, "Yay, I got me a full house!"

  • 0

    • My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

    Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.

  • 1

    • Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!

    UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!

    Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!

    Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."

    Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

    When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

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