Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.

Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"

Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.

RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)

Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.

Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.

Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.

Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.

Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.

Oh God By Dixie Rect.

Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.

Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.

Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.

How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.

Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.

The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

It was pornography class, and there was a break.

Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...

Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!

Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?

Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...

Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Teacher: Where's the D?

Adult 2: Inside me...

  • 0

    • Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

    Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

    There is a feminist group in my town.

    It is called Gal-Qaeda.

    (I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

    When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.

    Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

    Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

    Me: "/"

    I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

    My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

  • 6

    • A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

    As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"