Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call Stephen Hawking on a bungy jump?
Spasticelastic.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?
14 number 1 hits.
Women should be allowed to choose: dishes or cooking first.
Why do orphans hate family-size candy?
Because they can't share it with their family.
I know your hairline's pretty bent, but your gender's on a different level.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.
Let me know if you can't cum.
I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"
Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
What's the difference between MJ and myself?
Nothing at all.
I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
I like your mom naked.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.