How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Well, beer nuts are 49 cents, but deer nuts are just under a buck. (If you don’t understand the genders of deer, you won’t understand it.)
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?
You say, "Tell me if you can hear me," then get in the trunk and start screaming.
If you were a food, what would you be?
Friend 1: "Pizza, cause I'm so cheesy."
Friend 2: "Chocolate chip cookie, cause I have lots of friends."
Me: "Donut, cause I'm so empty inside."
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hoe? A hoe can wash her crack and sell it again.
Fortnite is good.
(Awesome joke, right?)
A penis has a sad life.
His hair is a mess.
His family is nuts.
His neighbor is an asshole.
His best friend is a pussy.
And his owner beats him.
If you have cancer, you are gay.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
Why do cheetahs always win?
Because they cheat!
