friend: how's it going? me: good, things are good! parent: how are you? me: oh I'm fine! Twitter: compose new tweet? me: hellooooo l would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it
Q: What do you call a person with Downs syndrome who smokes weed
A: Baked potato
Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption? He thought his son sucked.
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
What did the police say on the tv during 9/11... Call 911
Me: hey do you want to meet my grandma? Friend: yeah sure Me: *pulls out gun*
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because there would be no home base
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
What does Diana stand for? Died In A Nasty Accident.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV His daughter comes in and says "dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! Its because when you were born a rose peddle fell on your head." "Cool" Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said "dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied,"Oh! its because when you were a baby, a daisy peddle fell on your head." "Awesome" Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on people look at him and think... Aw fuck
play: "joke_start_3" play:"punchline_3" play:"laugh_6"
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt, they don't know what mummies are
Knock Knock-Who's There-Not You'r Dad
Why did Michael Jackson become white he wanted to be like a ghost and I have any feeheet.
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
Jesus lives on a long time line, so he may seem slow to you.
What did one God say to the other?
I will die to be a man.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself. It's really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.
