Worst Jokes Ever

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

Say "Uranus" but take out the "ur."

Daryll

Why did the sperm cross the road? ———— because I put on the wrong sock today.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.

You're so skinny that you fall.

Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.

You're so poor that you die and go to the backrooms.

So big that when you step, you break the whole galaxy.

You're so fat that people say you're the biggest bird!

Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?

What's long and black? Centrelink line.

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

Why do orphans play with boomerangs?

Because they come back.

Where do orphans shop for home appliances?

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."