Worst Jokes Ever
SMG4 Mario be like in Ohio: I don’t wanna do this...
Candice everyone: Candice?
Mario: CAN DEEZ NUTS FIT IN YOUR MOUTH!
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They have got no home to run to.
Q: Why are Americans so good at Rubik's cubes?
A: 'Cause they have a history of separating colors.
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Jon said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, “What would happen if I cut off one ear?” Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Amanpreet answered. “Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”
One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"
The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"
The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."
They ask who, "The President?"
"No, more important."
"The president of another country?"
"No, more important."
"An ambassador?"
"No, even more important."
"Well, who is it?"
"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.
Today I asked my phone, Siri, why am I still single?
And I activated the front camera! 😭😭😭😭😭
The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.
My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?
Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.
Like this if you think orphans are cool!
Hey, I met you like way way back, just like your hairline.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
What is the same thing between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
What did the titanic say as it was sinking?
I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.
What is long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
Apparently, rich people have the smallest penises. It makes sense why Bill Gates called it "MicroSoft."