Worst Jokes Ever
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the barking lot.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
Your hairline goes so far back that even your mom couldn’t see it.
I have the heart of my mom, the face of my dad, the eyes of my grandpa, the ears of my grandma, and the hair of my uncle. We don't look anything alike; I just collect body parts.
Mmmm, bread. I love Panera Bread.
This is unrelated, but where I live, there is no Panera Bread. Y'know what that's called?
No Panera Bread.
We gotta keep it goin' ▄【デc̷a̷t̷══━一.
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
Hey, what’s your favorite type of tomato? Mine is sun-dried tomato.
Get it? "Sun-dried" like "son died."
Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.
Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.
What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?
One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
A chopping board.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly woman?
The Twin Towers got fucked.
What do you call it when Panera Bread is a book?
Panera Read.
What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?
"Panera, my parents are dead."
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."