Whould jokes

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.

God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?

[God creating a jellyfish]

God: How about an evil bag?