Whould jokes

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

Friend 1: Eyyy gurl

Me: Hey! (Fake smile)

Friend 2: Hey g-guys what 'bout we play would you rather?

6 hours later

Friend 2: So (name) would u rather? 1. "Hang" out with me Or 2. "Jump" 1 times?

Me...e-eh?...Why not both????? We could just "Jump" while "Hanging" out right?

If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

Hi, everyone. Serious question. Would it be illegal to decapitate a worm? Asking for a friend, he's so worried we're going to jail. I'm not. I'm fine. Please reply fast.

WOULD YOU RATHER:

Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?

or

Drink a gallon of sperm?