Twos jokes
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie with Batman?
Two family reunions!
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. But, unfortunately, it just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
There were two twins, and they were both very tall.
The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.
At baseball practice...
"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"
"No, but I got two right here."
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?
Why were 9/11 victims so mad?
They ordered three pepperoni pizzas, not two planes!
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Answer: Your mom.
Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.
What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.
Why does America suck at chess?
They lost two towers.
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
Why will America always lose in chess?
It lost its two towers!