Thumbtack jokes

You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.

You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

I am a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.