The jokes

Why did the orphan cross the road?

His parents were on the other side!

I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?

Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.

Without Ronaldo, United would have been: - Eliminated from the UCL in groups! - 13th in the league!

Without Messi, PSG would have been: - Still 1st in the league. - Better chance at beating RM in the UCL.

Who's supposed to be the goat?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.

Why can't an orphan have an iPad?

They can't find the home button.

Why does this category seem to have the most retold and recycled jokes on this website?

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet.

During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.

Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”

My friend was the only one who laughed.

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?

The Stigg.

Did you know that chips taste like the baked potato in things called bags of chips?

Is anyone else on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop?

What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?

He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.

What did one orphan say to another orphan?

"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"