The jokes
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flat-mate.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
How do you say "fish" without the "i"?
Fsh
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.
What's the opposite of Jason?
Jasister.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
In memory of Michael Jackson, Starbucks and various other establishments are introducing the Jackson tea. It's 50 year old water, with a 7 year old tea bag.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
What does Godzilla eat for dinner?
The dinner.
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔