The jokes

If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!

The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."

"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"

You're really special.

But the R in special is silent.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

If the American Dream exists, why is it always filmed in Canada?

What do you call the Illuminati when they take over the world and control everything?

The Jew World Order.

I finally know why my brain doesn't work!

On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.

I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!

Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

Now I got a 31 on the ACT.

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?

A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)

When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."

Opal didn't hack RapBoat's account, she WAS RapBoat the whole time.

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?